Alexis Rivera_Open Letter_Final Draft

“I got faith to move a mountain 
/ And to watch that mountain move 
/ It’s time for words to fall like thunder / Sound of justice breaking through” – JOHNNYSWIM & Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors

Dear Lori Alexander,

This past summer a blog post of yours went viral, igniting the Internet aflame with emotional arguments on either side. Understandably, readers were eager to both agree and disagree with the opinions you shared in “Men Prefer Debt-Free Virgins without Tattoos.” You remind the young women of my generation to consider the implications that attending a secular university may have on their future, and more specifically their future in relation to a man. I implore you to consider the nature of what you are asking young women to do, and why you want them to do it.

As a Christian woman myself, I agree with the idea that we should live a life pleasing to God, because God is better than the best thing that the world has to offer. But I contend that God does not have the same things in mind for each of His children. For instance, while He might have called you into a life of motherhood and tending to your household, I personally do not see this as a life that God is currently calling me to lead. I instead feel called to minister to those nearing the end of their life, and this may not include marriage and children. Other women I know feel similarly, and are being led to full-time overseas ministry or working in “corporate America.” Your post assumes that God has called most if not all women down a path that closely resembles your own, but this fails to take into account God’s personal relationship with each person, and His own ask of them. He may not call each person into marriage, and may not give him or her the gift of a child. It is exclusionary and damaging to idealize marriage, both for those that are already married and for those that may live a life of singleness. Rather than prescribe advice to young women with the assumption that they will get married and have children, I would instead ask that you encourage women to follow where the Holy Spirit leads, regardless of where that might be.

Along these same lines, it seems important to remind you that the world is an incredibly diverse place, with people of all different backgrounds. Although many people come to know Christ through their familial upbringing, others come to Christ later in life, when they have already become collegiate women, mothers, lawyers, doctors, chefs, etc. Many still do not know, and many others have decided to walk away from Christianity for various reasons. Each person’s experiences make them who they are, and they remain important before, after, and if they ever come to know God. If they have been married multiple times before, have tattoos, and have debt that they may never be able to pay, they are still important people. In fact, they may even be living a life that reflects Christ’s in unfamiliar ways, behaving or thinking things I may wish to emulate. There is no one way to be a Christian, and I would be fearful of a religion that demanded its members to lose the pieces of them that make them who they are.

For instance, there are many aspects of my past that make me who I am, but no longer reflect my faith or values today. My mother passed away on this day three years ago, and reeling from her death, I took to numbing myself through drugs and alcohol. I have a long and unhealthy history with men, in which I’ve both been taken advantage of and have taken advantage of them. I come from an unstable and messy family, in which adultery and abuse were a part of the reality that I could not control.

I can share my experiences with you now because I have an understanding of the central tenet of Christianity: while I was still a sinner, Christ died for me. This does not mean that I am anywhere near perfect now, but it simply means that nothing I do or did can take away from His love for me. Good or bad, these experiences have shaped who I am, and I am no less a child of God or a Christian because of them.

In conclusion Ms. Alexander, I wish not to offend you or condemn you, since you are simply stating what you believe, I suppose much in the same way that I am. But I do ask of you this: remain open to learning things you may not have known before, and do not be afraid to see other Christians around you that look different than what you see in the mirror.

Respectfully,

Alexis Rivera